Whimsy

A friend of mine recently introduced me to a website called freeplaylife. The woman who runs the site has created a 52 week challenge (that's one challenge per week of the year. You're welcome). The idea is to bring more fun, whimsy, joy, and all that other good stuff back into your life. Part of the challenge is rediscovering this inside ourselves. In her own words:

...being ‘freeplaylife’ is so much a part of you that I don’t want you to change who you are at all, ever. What I want in these challenges is to help you remember who that is. What you want. How you feel. What makes you happy. How to get that for yourself. These challenges are geared towards helping you step out of the cycles of shame, grief, fear, and doubt that so often distort the lenses that you use to see yourself and the world around you. You are the key to unlocking the cages that are holding you back. Respect it!

This screams out so loud to me. This is what I've been missing in my life - ME!

A few years ago I went to NYC all by myself to meet a friend and see a concert. I had an entire day to wander the city before my friend arrived. What's shocking is that I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do. Maybe it was the vastness of opportunities. Maybe it was the shock of not having to worry about little people. I was able to come up with a dozen or so things I could have done with my kids, but nothing just for me. It was like I didn't know any more what it was that I liked. My friend showed up the next day and I was so relieved to be released from the chore of seeking Mindy pleasing activities.

Since that day I've struggled with this feeling that I've lost myself in motherhood. Don't get me wrong. I wanted kids. I still do. And I don't blame them for sucking the life out of me. I just didn't expect it. Nor do I accept it. I want to climb back up out of the hole I've dug myself into. I've just never known how.

The first freeplaylife challenge is about asking for what you want. One suggested way to go about this is to create a "Things I Want" board on Pinterest. So I started. And it was hard. Much harder than I anticipated. I really had to separate what I want as a mother from what Mindy wants. I'm not sure I was completely successful but I'm trying. Take for instance the 2002 BMW I came across while browsing other Pinterest boards. That was my dream car in high school. I'm still attracted to old and funky cars. "BUT!" my mother self says, "those cars are unreliable and don't come with all the safety features of modern cars to protect the children." "Shut up!" I told my self and pinned that car to my board anyway, but with the disclaimer that it was my dream of yore.

I think as mothers we just have too many selves to take into consideration. My three kiddos are extensions of me. According to research fetal cells sneak across the placenta and remain in a mother's body for decades - and our cells make their way into our babies. It's no wonder then that when considering what I want, the needs of my children would affect my decision.

So I'm still working on this. And I'm still working on me. My woman's circle has decided to take on the challenge which means that I have people to be accountable to. Some of it I may post here and some of it, like assbooking, I may skip all together.

Mindy's lawn care guide to better living

So we had the new aide come this afternoon for Sam (more about that later) and I spent the first few hours going over stuff and that's when I realized how much stuff there really is to do for Sam. I mean, like seriously, I started wondering how anybody could possibly remember all this stuff. So I finally just shut up and figured it was going to be sink or swim for this new aide. So then she took him out for a walk and I was like, shit, now what do I do? I decided to take the other two outside and do some raking so we could mow before we leave on our trip since the grass has been growing so fast lately. But I'm out there with the wind blowing, leaves flying around feeling a little futile and realizing that raking takes a long time. What doesn't take as long is one of those smelly, obnoxiously loud leaf blowers that all our neighbors seem to use. Then I started thinking, if I had a leaf blower out here I wouldn't want the kids out with me 'cause it's too loud for their ears and I wouldn't be able to keep very good track of them. Also, I wouldn't be getting nearly as much exercise. And there was kind of a zen to the whole raking. Plus, the kids have their own smaller rakes to help.

I started realizing how *really* leaf blowers are actually more a waste of time because while I raked: 1) I enjoyed family time with my kids 2) I got exercise 3) it was peaceful and therapeutic. Basically I got more bang for my buck with the raking. Had I had a leaf blower out there I would have had to carve out separate time for the other 3 things and possibly spend money on such things as therapy for the stress inducing noise of the leaf blower. Or, if I paid someone to come do my yard, then David would have to work an extra job to afford it.

This can be applied to the mowing of the lawn too because while everyone else is paying to have their lawn mowed or sitting atop an expensive, loud ride-on mower, we're out there taking turns with our non-motorized push mower.

So either our lawn care routine is the cure to all of society's ills or I'm just trying to justify all the hard work.

And don't you even go there about how it would be better for all if we had no lawn at all because I know that, okay?!

If all you know is sunny and beautiful, sunny and beautiful, sunny and beautiful

The drought has been a big topic of conversation here in NC. But today we got rain. Lots of glorious rain. And thunder and lightning. As I type this I'm sitting on the back porch listening to the rain pour down through the trees in my yard. Now that may seem like a perfectly normal way to appreciate mother nature but some of the people here take their appreciation to a whole other level. I've been reading some conversations on a local board about the recent rains and I've included some of the best for your reading pleasure:

okay..if your car needs washing .. here's what you do.
put a hat on - big garbage bag over your clothes...empty bucket with rag and little soap...and wash your car!! I just did it and it was really fun . . . and I'll have a clean car..
how's that for water conservation??
oh, and try not to get electrocuted.....

Beautiful Rain!
My Rain Barrel Runneth Over!

I went and reseeded the yard during a break in the storm... I hope the off & on rain over the next few days will keep the birds away from the seed, & that it stays warm enough for it to germinate, so I will keep my fingers crossed.



Being from Vegas , this is the first really real rain I have seen in almost 7 years and it is wonderful..simply wonderful . I didn't wash the car but I did put out a few buckets and an old aluminum washtub to catch the water , so that I can use it to water a bush that I started from a limb( dont laugh ) and will be putting in the ground soon.
My hometown is Gene Kelly's hometown and we know his famous song." I'm singing in the rain"

This isn't the only drought related discussion going on on this board. But being from California what has really surprised me is that when water is scarce here in NC people actually stop watering their lawns! They conserve. They save their bath water to water their plants. They shower every other day. There would be an uprising in southern California if such suggestions were even hinted at.

And then, when the first good rain comes, these people don't just resume normal activity... they celebrate! We weren't the only ones outside on our street tonight marveling at the storm. It's lovely to be amongst people who take the time to notice and appreciate the weather.